My best friend use to tell me I had a ‘Cinderella complex’. I loved fairy tales, all things romantic, and happy endings. I had high standards when it came to dating, and I expected nothing less than a prince. And sure enough, my prince came. He didn’t show up on a white horse, but we did drive off in a white jeep. And I didn’t have on glass slippers, but I did have on blinged-out flip flops. I wore a purple gown, and we danced at the ball known as Senior Prom. Four years later, I wore the white gown, carried pink roses and, surrounded by ten of the fairest maidens in the land, I married my prince.
It’s been ten years. Ten years since I said “I do” to my knight in shining armor. And you know what? I still have a Cinderella complex. I am still in love with my Prince Charming. But I’ve learned a few things about fairy tales over this past decade…..

You don’t have to wait until the pumpkin turns into a carriage.
By today’s standards we married young. We were fresh out of college. None of our friends were married, or even engaged. We didn’t wait until we had a nest egg. We didn’t wait until we had met some financial level. We didn’t even wait until we had our dream jobs – looking back we didn’t even know what they would be. We were young and inexperienced and naïve. I have no regrets. I’m not advocating teenagers run off and marry the love of their life. But I am saying that if you are waiting until a perfect moment, until you have it all figured out, you’re selling yourself short. There is never going to be a perfect moment. There is never going to be a moment when you “arrive” and have everything figured out. Marriage is about figuring it out together. We made mistakes. We learned. We failed and succeeded. We messed up. Together. We still do. Marriage is about becoming one, and that is much more than physical. It’s about becoming one in decisions, in your vision for life. It’s about becoming one in glorifying God. And while it’s certainly not the only way, I think there is something wonderful about two people who don’t have it figured out committing to figure it out together. So your pumpkin isn’t a carriage yet – don’t miss out on the fun of turning into one together.
Castles come in all shapes and sizes.
We have lived in pretty much every type of home. We don’t even yet own a home. Our castle doesn’t look like other fairy tale castles. And that’s ok. It’s our castle. It’s what we have created together. The castle doesn’t define the fairy tale. It’s what happens in the castle that makes the fairy tale. It’s the love and learning that happens within the walls, whether they are made of stone or are paper thin. It’s the tears and laughter that echo the halls, whether they are grand or simple. Your story can’t be defined by the material.
Don’t fear the villain.
Every fairy tale must have some type of villain. It’s true in the story books and in our real lives. The difference is that in our everyday lives the villain isn’t a fire-breathing dragon or an evil witch with a poisoned apple. Our villains come in the form of hard times, job losses, illnesses and more often than not our own sinful and selfish tendencies. In our ten years together, we have enjoyed some really sweet times, but we have also walked some dark valleys. We have faced some ‘villains’. I can say now with confidence that they don’t break the story, they make the story. They bind the hero and the heroine together when they fight with the armor of God. These real-life fairy tale villains prey on our weaknesses and bring them to light, but ultimately they drive us to the Light and they showcase His strengths, which are perfect in our weakness. They bring us closer to one another and closer to God. We don’t have to fear these ‘villains,’ we need to embrace the fight. Sometimes the pain inflicted in the fight can be the very thing that heals us. And every villain, no matter how big or small, has already been defeated in Christ. Victory is ours, whether we experience it in this world or only the next.
The glass slipper isn’t meant to be shelved.
It’s so easy as life goes on and children come and jobs increase in their demands to put our glass slipper on the shelf. We put on the house shoes, the job-ready shoes, the running shoes, the mom shoes. We have to pull that slipper down and put it on. We have to remember that we are still the girl in the fairy tale in love with her prince. Yes, men: romance and date your wives. But wives: let’s not forget to be his girlfriend. We need to wear that slipper and date our man. We need to put away the mom shoes at times, and be a wife. We are setting an example for the future generation. Our kids see what we do. They cannot dethrone our prince. A family needs mother and father modeling relationships. We do our marriages a terrible disservice when we shelve the beauty of its history. How do we teach our children to seek a godly and loving marriage if all they see is us serving them?
Your serve a Kingdom in a land far, far away.
I married a Prince and I am a Princess. But not because of what the fairy tales say. Because we are children of the King of Kings. He has adopted us into His family. This is the Kingdom that we serve. This is the Kingdom that our marriage exists to further. We are two people becoming one, submitting and serving one another, loving one another so that the King of Kings may be known and glorified. This earthly kingdom that we create, whether small or big, is not the end all. It is merely a shadow of the Kingdom to come. Marriage isn’t about how much we can promote our kingdom here on earth. It’s about how we can further the Kingdom yet to come. When I love and respect my husband, I am illustrating how the church is to love her groom. When my husband loves and respects me, when he sacrifices for me (and he does in ways small and big), he is illustrating in a tangible way how Christ loves the Church. We need to understand where our royalty comes from. We need to understand who we are in Christ. Only when we love the King more than ourselves can we truly love one another. Only when our eyes on the Kingdom ahead, can we truly create a lasting kingdom here.
Happily Ever After is what you make it.
There is Happily Ever After. But Happily Ever After isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. It isn’t something that just happens. It’s something that must be worked for. It’s something that must be chosen. It’s something that some days you have to search for. Happily Ever After is about being in a covenant relationship with someone who has committed to love you and serve you no matter what. Happily Ever After is about the peace and freedom that comes from a relationship like that. I think we don’t talk about the word “covenant” enough. We talk about marriage in terms of feelings and what makes you happy in the moment. But that isn’t lasting. That isn’t true happiness. Happily Ever After isn’t easy and it isn’t what we expect. It’s about working through the times that break your heart, not running away. It’s about understanding what really matters. Ten years in, I’d say we are living happily ever after because we know that our happiness isn’t founded in circumstances. Yes, we have experienced times of amazing happiness and excitement and good things. But we have also had our share of disappointment, confusion, and deep heartache and questioning. We didn’t survive because we felt like it. We survived because of God’s grace and because we chose to cling to Him. He is our Happily Ever After.

So here I am, a Cinderella junkie 10 years older and wiser. I’ve learned that while yes, there are some great parallels to my marriage and the stories I loved growing up, ultimately no fairy tale that I can read or watch can compete with the reality of living a story that the Great Author writes. Walking down the aisle isn’t “The End”. It’s actually just the beginning, and the only person in the credits is God.