My best friend use to tell me I had a ‘Cinderella complex’. I loved fairy tales, all things romantic, and happy endings. I had high standards when it came to dating, and I expected nothing less than a prince. And sure enough, my prince came. He didn’t show up on a white horse, but we did drive off in a white jeep. And I didn’t have on glass slippers, but I did have on blinged-out flip flops. I wore a purple gown, and we danced at the ball known as Senior Prom. Four years later, I wore the white gown, carried pink roses and, surrounded by ten of the fairest maidens in the land, I married my prince.
It’s been ten years. Ten years since I said “I do” to my knight in shining armor. And you know what? I still have a Cinderella complex. I am still in love with my Prince Charming. But I’ve learned a few things about fairy tales over this past decade…..

You don’t have to wait until the pumpkin turns into a carriage.
By today’s standards we married young. We were fresh out of college. None of our friends were married, or even engaged. We didn’t wait until we had a nest egg. We didn’t wait until we had met some financial level. We didn’t even wait until we had our dream jobs – looking back we didn’t even know what they would be. We were young and inexperienced and naïve. I have no regrets. I’m not advocating teenagers run off and marry the love of their life. But I am saying that if you are waiting until a perfect moment, until you have it all figured out, you’re selling yourself short. There is never going to be a perfect moment. There is never going to be a moment when you “arrive” and have everything figured out. Marriage is about figuring it out together. We made mistakes. We learned. We failed and succeeded. We messed up. Together. We still do. Marriage is about becoming one, and that is much more than physical. It’s about becoming one in decisions, in your vision for life. It’s about becoming one in glorifying God. And while it’s certainly not the only way, I think there is something wonderful about two people who don’t have it figured out committing to figure it out together. So your pumpkin isn’t a carriage yet – don’t miss out on the fun of turning into one together.
Castles come in all shapes and sizes.
We have lived in pretty much every type of home. We don’t even yet own a home. Our castle doesn’t look like other fairy tale castles. And that’s ok. It’s our castle. It’s what we have created together. The castle doesn’t define the fairy tale. It’s what happens in the castle that makes the fairy tale. It’s the love and learning that happens within the walls, whether they are made of stone or are paper thin. It’s the tears and laughter that echo the halls, whether they are grand or simple. Your story can’t be defined by the material.
Don’t fear the villain.
Every fairy tale must have some type of villain. It’s true in the story books and in our real lives. The difference is that in our everyday lives the villain isn’t a fire-breathing dragon or an evil witch with a poisoned apple. Our villains come in the form of hard times, job losses, illnesses and more often than not our own sinful and selfish tendencies. In our ten years together, we have enjoyed some really sweet times, but we have also walked some dark valleys. We have faced some ‘villains’. I can say now with confidence that they don’t break the story, they make the story. They bind the hero and the heroine together when they fight with the armor of God. These real-life fairy tale villains prey on our weaknesses and bring them to light, but ultimately they drive us to the Light and they showcase His strengths, which are perfect in our weakness. They bring us closer to one another and closer to God. We don’t have to fear these ‘villains,’ we need to embrace the fight. Sometimes the pain inflicted in the fight can be the very thing that heals us. And every villain, no matter how big or small, has already been defeated in Christ. Victory is ours, whether we experience it in this world or only the next.
The glass slipper isn’t meant to be shelved.
It’s so easy as life goes on and children come and jobs increase in their demands to put our glass slipper on the shelf. We put on the house shoes, the job-ready shoes, the running shoes, the mom shoes. We have to pull that slipper down and put it on. We have to remember that we are still the girl in the fairy tale in love with her prince. Yes, men: romance and date your wives. But wives: let’s not forget to be his girlfriend. We need to wear that slipper and date our man. We need to put away the mom shoes at times, and be a wife. We are setting an example for the future generation. Our kids see what we do. They cannot dethrone our prince. A family needs mother and father modeling relationships. We do our marriages a terrible disservice when we shelve the beauty of its history. How do we teach our children to seek a godly and loving marriage if all they see is us serving them?
Your serve a Kingdom in a land far, far away.
I married a Prince and I am a Princess. But not because of what the fairy tales say. Because we are children of the King of Kings. He has adopted us into His family. This is the Kingdom that we serve. This is the Kingdom that our marriage exists to further. We are two people becoming one, submitting and serving one another, loving one another so that the King of Kings may be known and glorified. This earthly kingdom that we create, whether small or big, is not the end all. It is merely a shadow of the Kingdom to come. Marriage isn’t about how much we can promote our kingdom here on earth. It’s about how we can further the Kingdom yet to come. When I love and respect my husband, I am illustrating how the church is to love her groom. When my husband loves and respects me, when he sacrifices for me (and he does in ways small and big), he is illustrating in a tangible way how Christ loves the Church. We need to understand where our royalty comes from. We need to understand who we are in Christ. Only when we love the King more than ourselves can we truly love one another. Only when our eyes on the Kingdom ahead, can we truly create a lasting kingdom here.
Happily Ever After is what you make it.
There is Happily Ever After. But Happily Ever After isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. It isn’t something that just happens. It’s something that must be worked for. It’s something that must be chosen. It’s something that some days you have to search for. Happily Ever After is about being in a covenant relationship with someone who has committed to love you and serve you no matter what. Happily Ever After is about the peace and freedom that comes from a relationship like that. I think we don’t talk about the word “covenant” enough. We talk about marriage in terms of feelings and what makes you happy in the moment. But that isn’t lasting. That isn’t true happiness. Happily Ever After isn’t easy and it isn’t what we expect. It’s about working through the times that break your heart, not running away. It’s about understanding what really matters. Ten years in, I’d say we are living happily ever after because we know that our happiness isn’t founded in circumstances. Yes, we have experienced times of amazing happiness and excitement and good things. But we have also had our share of disappointment, confusion, and deep heartache and questioning. We didn’t survive because we felt like it. We survived because of God’s grace and because we chose to cling to Him. He is our Happily Ever After.

So here I am, a Cinderella junkie 10 years older and wiser. I’ve learned that while yes, there are some great parallels to my marriage and the stories I loved growing up, ultimately no fairy tale that I can read or watch can compete with the reality of living a story that the Great Author writes. Walking down the aisle isn’t “The End”. It’s actually just the beginning, and the only person in the credits is God.

Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most quoted verses, especially during graduation season. I love it. Yet as many times as I’ve highlighted it, reflected on it, and quoted it, it truly has been and continues to be a process of internalizing and applying it. The verses say “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord…” My default is to say those words, but mean that the Lord knows the plans I have for myself. It’s kind of sad how often I have defaulted to that, and how often I have assumed that because my plans were good, that they were His.

I could start any number of places, but for the purposes of this post, let me start back in June of 2005. After a year of marriage, my husband and I packed a U-Haul in the rain and headed to a great city in the Midwest to start Seminary. We were young, naïve and excited about all that was ahead of us. We didn’t know exactly where God was leading us ministry-wise, but we knew we would finish in 3 years, start a family, find a job, and conquer the world. That year was incredible. It was an adventure. 15 hours from home and family, we became one in a way we hadn’t before. We faced the unknown together. We found jobs, we found a church, we found our way, together. It was extremely hard at times. It was fun at times. We were right where God wanted us, but not where he wanted us to stay. Our plans were not God’s plans.

In February 2006, everything changed. I went to the doctor with a terrible case of the flu and found out I was expecting a baby. That was our first clue that God’s plan was so much more than what we had originally thought. We knew that one way or another things would change. Our neat, 3-year plan was going to be drastically altered, though we weren’t sure yet how. About 2 months later, through a mutual friend, God flung open the doors to come on staff at a church back South. The process was relatively easy, and it was exciting and smooth. So, in June 2006, we once again found ourselves packing a U-haul and heading to our new home.

I can say with full confidence that I am so glad my plans were not God’s plans. I’m sure that if he had allowed us to stick with our original plan it would have been good, but I’m so glad he didn’t. When he led us to Georgia, he led us to a wonderful church. While there were times of loneliness and learning, we ultimately discovered he had led us to a church family and home where we were deeply loved by God’s people and where we learned to deeply love God’s people. He led us to an education that had a depth that sitting in the classroom couldn’t match, as we ministered to students and families. It was a blessing to be closer to our respective families and living in a beautiful part of the country.   We would often say that we had found our dream home/church quicker than we had ever imagined and we couldn’t imagine anything else. Still, we couldn’t ignore the original calling to go to seminary. So in fall of 2009 we obeyed God’s calling and started back to seminary. Slower and more deliberate, as my husband made the drive to Atlanta for classes. We figured we would finish in 2 years. And then we would live happily ever after in our new home. After all, how could we ever ask for anything more? In 2009, we had no grasp that we could ever desire anything other than what God had blessed us with. It truly was a decision out of obedience not out of aspiration for more or different.

Again, God’s plans were not our plans. What was supposed to be 2 years turned into 4 years, and what was supposed to be easy was not. There were some dark times personally over that span of 4 years, times that I now see as part of our education for ministry: ministry is something that isn’t just taught or learned from a book. There were questions and problems and answers and solutions. And somewhere over that time, God began whispering to our hearts that this was not where he was ultimately leading. He gave my husband a sense of calling to preaching God’s word and to pastoring. So while our hearts and love for our church family did not change, we did begin to have a sense that God was preparing us for something else.

In May 2013, we finished seminary! We were overjoyed and thrilled and excited and relieved…and curious. What now? So we began as best as we could to make plans on how to proceed. And for the next year God over and over redirected our plans. At one point, we agreed that we felt like we were in this difficult molding process and at some point we would understand why, but until then we just had to keep moving forward in faith even when we couldn’t see the big picture.

In January, we received some interest from one church, among interactions with some others. We turned down this opportunity at first, because we weren’t sure how it fit into OUR plans. But God used them to pursue us. And in March we drove for a visit. I wish I could say my heart had been in the right place and I was just peacefully following wherever God led. But I’d be lying. I think my exact words where “I’m mad at God.” I was weary of the roller coaster of the last year. I was weary of the unknown. I didn’t understand why we were driving to this place that we weren’t even sure we wanted to go. Basically, I was kind of pouting and pitching a fit in my heart. We arrived in the city and God spoke. It wasn’t audible, but it was real. “See, child. I know what I’m doing. This is where it’s all been leading. Just trust me.” What followed was only confirmation of that. We were welcomed with open arms. We laughed and talked and interviewed with this group of God’s people, and we just felt at home. God’s plans are not our plans. And in the months following our visit, God has continually confirmed in our hearts that this is where he is leading next. We have now officially accepted the call, and are making plans to once again pack up and move, to follow where He has led.

I am a big ball of emotions right now. I feel excitement and anxiety. I feel joy and sadness. I feel fear and confidence. We have moments we excitedly plan and moments we longingly cry. I don’t know exactly how everything is going to work out, I don’t know exactly where this next step will lead. But I know that God’s plans are not our plans, and in that I can rest and rejoice.

You see, Jeremiah 29:11 is not a stand-alone verse. It is not simply a feel good verse about God’s plans to prosper us. You have to read and reflect on verse 12, 13, and following. God doesn’t just know the plans he has for you. He is going to walk it with you. He says seek after me, and you will find me. The plans that he has for us are found as we seek him, for as we seek him we begin to desire him. We begin to see the goodness of who he is, and we begin to grasp that when we are his, our future and our hope are in Him. And while that may not be as clear a ‘plan’ as we might like, it is a plan that will never fail because He never fails. That is what I cling to now. As I don’t know where I will live, and I don’t know how my kids will ever be loved like they are here; as I prepare to bid farewell to my family and comfort zone and head to the unknown, I cling to the truth that He knows the plans He has for me – for us – that He will hear when I pray, and that He will be found when I seek Him.