Sacred rocks dot the landscape of the Old Testament. 

Places of remembrance piled in reverence and response,  

Piled in thanksgiving and obedience.

Man-made piles of stones giving testament to who God was and is,

Giving testimony to the abundance of His provision.

 Rocks piled when promises were heard and promises were kept.

Rocks piled when the Lord was seen and the Lord was experienced. 

The work of lifting and stacking stones marking the work He had done.

Rocks piled on the places that He led them and met them.

Stones that stood to remind of what would be too quickly forgotten.

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My words are my rocks that dot the landscape of my life.

Places of remembrance piled in reverence and response,

Piled in gratitude and humility.

Stones that give testament to provisions met and promises kept,

Giving testimony to the abundance of His grace and His goodness.

I pile these rocks to remember who the Lord has shown himself to be,

To remember the questions and the answers, the hurts and the healing.

The work of sorting and stacking stones that I too may mark the work He has done.

My words are my rocks piled on my heart and on these pages.

May they remind me of what I saw in the times I cannot see. 

Genesis 28:18, 31:45, 35:14, Joshua 4:9, 24:26, 1 Samuel 8:12

Hello morning.

Hello new.

Hello Sun that rises and sets at His command.

Hello buds holding promise of tomorrow’s beauty.

Hello trunks bearing the stories of yesterday.

Hello roots growing deep that one may stand strong and tall.

Hello tears that water the soil.

Hello laughter that nourishes.

Hello mercy that never ceases.

Hello steadfast love that never fails.

Hello grace that grips tight so freedom may flourish.

Hello quiet gifts and loud love.

Hello words that take shape and give shape.

Hello morning.

Hello new.

Hello 40.

I prayed the Lord would renew my heart in a specific way. I prayed that He would make my heart match His. In my human mind the answer would be clear and swift because it was a “good” prayer. It was a “good” request.

My mind is not the Lord’s mind. He clearly closed a door and yet I didn’t swiftly or clearly feel the renewal I had prayed for. I still don’t.

I prayed the Lord would renew my heart. He didn’t answer the way I expected, but He is making me new. Deepening my understanding and knowledge. Teaching me about faith and His love. Renewal of my heart and mind.

It isn’t swift. It isn’t clear.

But it’s good.

I struggle to trust. I struggle to rest.

I struggle to rest because I struggle to trust.

It sounds simple…Just rest…..Yet….

How do I rest my mind when the to do lists and the questions and the overanalyzing of what I did or didn’t say or what I should or shouldn’t say play on repeat?

How I rest my heart when the hurts of yesterday and the aches of today and the concerns of tomorrow throb a rhythmic beat ?

How do I rest my hands when they move to earn love,
to gain worth,
to keep value?

I must learn to trust. I must learn to rest.

I must learn to trust if I am to learn to rest.

It becomes simple only when I begin to trust.

His Word and Provision.

 His Love. His Grace. His Gentle Spirit.

His Redemption. His Worth.

My mind learns to rest when I trust that my days are numbered and ordered by the Sovereign One and each day abounds with new mercies and grace.

My heart learns to rest when I trust the rhythm that I am loved and held. That those I love are held. That His ways are higher. That His ways are better..

My hands learns to rest when I trust that nothing I can achieve can earn me more love, more worth, more value than simply being His.

I will trust. I will rest.

I will rest because I trust.

Simply trust. Simply #rest

@hopewriters #hopewriterlife #day2

When the snow falls down, it feels possible to slow down. It seems right to linger by the window and watch the flakes float to the ground. It seems right to hear the crunch of the ice under small feet, to savor the hot chocolate, to take a nap under a heavy blanket. It seems easier on these days to take it slow and give thanks for the gift. When there is magic outside the window it seems ok to let the laundry pile up, to read another chapter in the book, or to sit on the couch with your loved ones. The world seems just a little quieter, a little slower, and so do we.

When the snow doesn’t fall down, it is still possible to slow down. It is still right to linger by windows and watch the sun filter through the trees or listen to the rhythm of rain falling down. It is right to savor our daily bread and give our mind and bodies rest. It is good to slow down and give thanks for gifts. There doesn’t have to be snow on the ground to let the laundry pile a little higher, to read another chapter or sit with loved ones. We may not always see magic outside our window but there is always grace. This world may not be a little quieter, a little slower, but we have permission to be.

slow

My #10yearchallenge shows me smiling and excepting baby #3. It was fun to look back. There were so many pictures to choose from, finishing Christmas, celebrating a second birthday, or our annual Valentine date with friends. I treasure them all in my heart.

But 10 years ago, I also battled perinatal/postpartum depression. There were certainly moments of light and joy, but the last trimester and first few months after the birth of our daughter were also filled with very dark days. I battled things and thoughts I never imagined I would. I wept and pushed away those who loved me. It wasn’t until the lowest point that I found the courage to seek help.

10 years ago, I was also making regular visits with my babies to our local health department to pick up WIC vouchers to help get groceries. We didn’t come from money. We didn’t own a house or live in the ‘right’ neighborhood or send our kids to the ‘right’ school. My husband was a youth pastor in a small town. I stayed home with our young children. At times I earned extra money watching my friends’ children. At one point my husband worked three jobs so we could pay our basic bills and fund the seminary education we needed to obey the Lord’s calling. 

There are no pictures to post of these things. To be honest, I didn’t want anyone to know. Though I gratefully recognize the vouchers for food and medicine as provision now, back then my need for them left me feeling embarrassed or even ashamed. I felt confused. I felt like an outsider to many groups around me. The world, and even many in the church, falsely told me that I wasn’t “_____” enough. That if I read my Bible more I wouldn’t be depressed; if I obeyed the Lord things would go well for me. We were doing our best to be faithful, so why did life look so different than those who claimed to be #blessed? I wrestled with these questions and realities,and at times I fought what the Lord was doing because it didn’t match “the American Dream.”

10 years later, a lot has happened and changed. I no longer have babies and we no longer visit the WIC office. I haven’t been on meds for depression in several years. We live in a different state, my husband finished seminary, and we answered the call to pastoral ministry –we even added a kid. A lot has stayed the same too. We still seek to be faithful, but we also still live on a budget. We still don’t live in what many would call the ‘right’ neighborhood or send our kids to the ‘right’ schools. We aren’t always members of the ‘right’ groups and we still feel like outsiders at times. I still periodically need to evaluate my mental health. There are still parts of our lives that simply don’t match the “American Dream”.

Pictures can’t capture many of the deeper changes in the last 10 years because they are in my heart and mind. I know that I am not “___” enough, and I’m honestly thankful. I have tasted God’s grace and goodness in ways that I never could have without the hunger pains he allowed. There is an intimacy and a depth to my understanding of the Lord as Provider, Comforter, Father,because of my needs, my tears, my failings. My weakness shows me His strength. It’s still hard to share things like this. I still battle shame at times, but I know its name and I know it has no place. I still have longings and dreams, but I try to hold them more loosely because I know Whose plans are best. I still have questions about many things, but I also have hard-fought confidence in Who holds the answers. I am learning that the true reward for being faithful is knowing the Faithful One more deeply.

I wonder what stories I’ll share of the next 10 years? I expect some will be sweet and joyful; some will be hard and painful; many will be both. It would be dishonest to say I didn’t want them to be comfortable and easy. But I also want to continue know Him more. I know that, deep down, I don’t want to be so full of a comfortable life that I forget the taste of sweetness that comes from the manna that only He provides. I don’t want to hurt, but I don’t want to forget what it means to be held and sustained. I don’t want things to be hard, but I don’t want to miss the amazing ways He moves in our lives when we least expect it. I don’t know what the next #10yearchallenge will hold, but I know the One Who does.

Yahweh Yireh. Jehovah Jireh. God who provides.

We are studying the names of God in our current sermon series at church. My heart always trembles a bit when I read Genesis 22. Every church kid has heard the story growing up: Abraham took Isaac up to the altar and God provided a lamb. It was about 20 years ago that I really began to grasp the depth and heart of this story as I read a devotion and poem by Beth Moore in her book, Whispers of Hope. Her poem, “Trust Me With Your Isaac” gave me context and words to a situation with which I was wrestling. I wanted to skip this story in the Bible. If I didn’t read it, then I didn’t have to consider that the Lord was asking me to lay what I held dear on the altar. What if he didn’t restore my “Isaac” to me? What if it hurt too much? What if what I dreamed of wasn’t what the Lord wanted for me? But, by God’s grace alone, I did. I laid what I loved most on the altar and trusted that whatever He provided would be enough.

That wasn’t the only time that the Lord brought me to my knees with that particular passage. Though this life is full of moments that require letting go and trusting, there have been a specific situations where this passage spoke directly to my heart. There have been some very clear, turning point moments where I have known that to continue to hold on to what I grasped so tightly would be disobedience. There have been moments when my heart heard the question, in that still, small voice, “Will you trust me?” Each instance has been painful, even if ultimately worth it. Each time, God has required me to release something precious–something that in itself wasn’t bad, but was, in truth, good. Yet each time, Yahweh Yireh asked me to trust him.

And each time, the Lord answered with provision. I’ve learned provision comes in many forms. It’s been six years since I experienced one of those moments for the second time. To this day, God has not yet restored to me what I laid on that altar. I still long for the restoration of that. But He has provided. He has provided everything that we need. In the longing, He has provided me with lessons on contentment, freedom, humility, and joy. And, more than anything, He has provided Himself.

Yahweh Yireh always provides. But His provision can look different than we desire or even expect. Within those six years, there was another moment where we felt we required to lay something down out of obedience. It was on a smaller scale, but it still hurt. I didn’t understand. I didn’t like it. But I knew I had to obey. In a short period of time, God restored the very thing we had surrendered, but in way far beyond what we could’ve dreamed. He provided in an incredible way that I would have missed out on, had I not surrendered.

As I sat in worship this morning, listening to my husband preach on the name Yahweh Yireh, I reflected on the situations in my life right now in which I am wrestling with trusting the Lord and his provision. There are things that are too new, too tender, too raw, too unfinished to put into public words.  I thought of the moments in the past where the Lord has faithfully provided Himself.  And how could I not?  That man reading and teaching on Jehovah Jireh this morning? He was the one I had so reluctantly and tearfully laid on that altar 20 years ago. We knew the Lord was asking us to step back and seek Him before we sought one another, and we knew we had to obey and surrender.  By God’s good grace, He returned to us what we laid down, and has provided Himself and so much more to our marriage and family, including a son we named Isaac.. He has used that which we laid down to fill our lives with love and joy, but even more to continually point us to Him.  All around me is evidence of the Lord’s wonderfull provision — even in the spaces that still ache with longings, questions, and hurts. So, I still tremble when I read Genesis 22, but these days, it’s less out of fear, and more out of expectation, reverence, and awe of Yahweh Yireh.

Jehovah Jireh.

God who provides.

Scripture: John 1:16-17

Key Words: giving, grace, gift

Big Idea: Grace is the greatest gift that we have ever received and we get to unwrap it each and every day.

Christmas has become synonymous with gifts.  Bright packages tied with bows cover the floors around shimmering trees — in stores, in commercials, and in our own homes.  Suspense, excitement, wonder fill our hearts as we anticipate what treasures might be lurking beneath the festive paper.

 Take a minute and think about your favorite gift you’ve ever received. 

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes, but they all share one thing in common: a true gift is given without being earned.  A true gift is given out of love for the recipient.  The tradition of giving gifts at Christmas can be one of the simplest ways to remind one another of the incredible gift that God gives us: GRACE.

Grace is unmerited favor.  In simpler terms, grace is getting something really great without deserving it.  Grace isn’t a reward. Grace isn’t a trip to the treasure box for good behavior.  Grace is a gift.

Take a minute to read Ephesians 2:4-10.  Note every time you read the word “grace.”

⁴ But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— ⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Let’s unwrap this a little:

Romans 3:23 says we are all sinners.

What does it mean to be a sinner?

Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death, BUT it also says that the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Christ Jesus, the tiny baby born on the first Christmas, is the free gift of God.  Baby Jesus is God’s grace to us!!!

So, this Christmas and beyond, when we are wrapping a gift for someone else or unwrapping a gift for ourselves, let’s remember the incredible gift of grace that we have been given.  Let’s give gifts freely, regardless of what the person has done for us, because God has given us life instead of what we deserved.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see!

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come. ‘Tis grace hath brought me save thus far and grace will lead me home!

The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures!

When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we first begun!

Scripture: James 1:17

Key Words: giving, gifts, grace

Big Idea:  We can give because the Father has given to us.

What are some traditions that you have on Christmas Morning? What are some memories that you have of Christmas past?

Growing up, the Christmas season was full of traditions in our family. Some of my favorite memories are of the traditions we enjoyed on Christmas morning. My sister and I were not allowed to see the tree until my dad had the lights on and a fire going in the fireplace.  We could hardly wait until he gave the all-clear!  Brimming with excitement, we would bound into the living room, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the stockings against the fireplace and the bright colored packages stacked under the tree.

Before we could open the gifts, we had one tradition that never changed.  Together with my mom and dad we would gather on our couch and listen as my dad read from the Bible.  Of course, he would always turn to Luke 2 and read the Christmas story.  We would listen to the familiar words and try our best to hold in our excitement.  And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus…

After Luke 2 my dad would always turn to Matthew 7. Reading a portion of the Sermon on the Mount may seem an odd choice for Christmas morning, but my father’s tradition of reading this passage has stuck with me more than any other. It is one of the traditions that we keep with our own children.

Read Matthew 7:11. Now look at your tree if you have gifts underneath, or close your eyes and think of gifts that you have received in the past.  Take a minute to reflect on some of your favorite gifts.  Now, all those gifts are but a small reflection of the gifts that our heavenly Father has given to us!  My dad read from Matthew 7 because he wanted to teach us that he and my mom gave to us on Christmas because they loved us — but their love and gifts were but a reflection of the love and gifts we receive from our Heavenly Father. They gave to us to point us to the greatest gift giver of all — God himself.

 Name some gifts that God has given you.  (Look around at creation, your family, your friends, etc.)

 This God who is the Creator of all these good gifts, gives you something even greater.  He has given us himself.  He came to earth and walked among us so that we could have life, so that we could have a relationship with Him!  Did you know the gift of a relationship with God is a gift we get to open every day?! Every day can be like Christmas morning for a Christian! Every day we get to wake up and unwrap a new day to know and walk with our Lord!

Scripture: John 11:25-27

Key Words: trusting, believe,

Big Idea:  We are united with our brothers and sisters in Christ because of our believe in Christ Jesus.

What are some of your favorite Christmas movies? One of our family’s favorite Christmas movies is Miracle On 34^th Street.  It is traditionally the first movie we watch in the Advent season.  After we decorate our tree and unpack all our decoration boxes, we have a family move night by the light of the tree and a fire crackling in the fireplace.

Miracle on 34^th Street tells the story of a girl named Susan who does not believe in Santa Claus.  Susan’s mother works at a department store in New York City where she is responsible for holiday productions, like parades, and for hiring a Santa for the store Christmas display.  We meet a character named Kris Kringle.  He is a jolly man with a white beard and a friendly disposition.  As the story progresses, Susan begins to question whether there might be a Santa and if her new friend, Kris, is actually him.  And it’s not just Susan – a lot of people begin to question this and Mr. Kringle ends up having to go to court.  I don’t want to give too much away if you haven’t seen the movie yet, but one of my favorite parts is when people all over the city start to take a stand for Kris.  At the store, in the community, and throughout the entire city, you see people hanging up signs and wearing shirts or buttons that simply say, “I believe.”  One particular scene shows a street full of people from all walks of life cheering together because they all ‘believe’.  Miracle on 34^th Street is a great movie for many reasons, but one is because shows how different people who believe in the same thing can come together with joy exclaiming “I believe!”

Maybe that is part of what makes the Christmas season so unique.  People we don’t know seem to be doing the same things: hustling, bustling, listening to the same music.  We greet neighbors with phrases like “Merry Christmas”, and line up with strangers to take a picture with the jolly old elf.  There is a sense of unity as we all believe in the ‘magic’ of Christmas together.  But the truth is, it doesn’t last.  The decorations are eventually put away, the music changes, life goes back to the way it is the rest of the year.

But here’s the good news: as followers of Christ, we actually get to participate in the true ‘magic’ of Christmas throughout the year. Every week we get to come together with a people from different homes, different backgrounds, and different experiences and we all get to exclaim what we believe together.  We sing, we pray, we confess, we listen.  We are united in what we believe even more than those movie crowds on the streets of New York were united in believing in Santa Claus.  What do we believe?

We have someone even more amazing than Santa Claus to believe in. We have the Father God who is faithful and full of mercy and grace.  We have a Redeemer who made himself nothing and was born as a man that could cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  We have a Holy Spirit who bears witness to us about our Redeemer.  We have truth that will not be packed away with decorations or change like the songs on the radio.  We can trust in our Lord in every season. WE BELIEVE!

The Apostles’ Creed is a great summary of what we believe. Read it together as a family:

I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth

And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord,

Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit; born of the virgin Mary;

suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead, and buried.

He descended into hell.*

The third day He rose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit;
the holy catholic** church;
the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins;
the resurrection of the body;
and the life everlasting.

Amen.

* this phrase represents that Jesus endured the full wrath of God against our sin on the cross, declaring “It is finished.”

** the word “catholic” here does not refer to the Roman Catholic Church, but to the universal, invisible Church of Jesus Christ — all true believers from all times and all places.