Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most quoted verses, especially during graduation season. I love it. Yet as many times as I’ve highlighted it, reflected on it, and quoted it, it truly has been and continues to be a process of internalizing and applying it. The verses say “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord…” My default is to say those words, but mean that the Lord knows the plans I have for myself. It’s kind of sad how often I have defaulted to that, and how often I have assumed that because my plans were good, that they were His.

I could start any number of places, but for the purposes of this post, let me start back in June of 2005. After a year of marriage, my husband and I packed a U-Haul in the rain and headed to a great city in the Midwest to start Seminary. We were young, naïve and excited about all that was ahead of us. We didn’t know exactly where God was leading us ministry-wise, but we knew we would finish in 3 years, start a family, find a job, and conquer the world. That year was incredible. It was an adventure. 15 hours from home and family, we became one in a way we hadn’t before. We faced the unknown together. We found jobs, we found a church, we found our way, together. It was extremely hard at times. It was fun at times. We were right where God wanted us, but not where he wanted us to stay. Our plans were not God’s plans.

In February 2006, everything changed. I went to the doctor with a terrible case of the flu and found out I was expecting a baby. That was our first clue that God’s plan was so much more than what we had originally thought. We knew that one way or another things would change. Our neat, 3-year plan was going to be drastically altered, though we weren’t sure yet how. About 2 months later, through a mutual friend, God flung open the doors to come on staff at a church back South. The process was relatively easy, and it was exciting and smooth. So, in June 2006, we once again found ourselves packing a U-haul and heading to our new home.

I can say with full confidence that I am so glad my plans were not God’s plans. I’m sure that if he had allowed us to stick with our original plan it would have been good, but I’m so glad he didn’t. When he led us to Georgia, he led us to a wonderful church. While there were times of loneliness and learning, we ultimately discovered he had led us to a church family and home where we were deeply loved by God’s people and where we learned to deeply love God’s people. He led us to an education that had a depth that sitting in the classroom couldn’t match, as we ministered to students and families. It was a blessing to be closer to our respective families and living in a beautiful part of the country.   We would often say that we had found our dream home/church quicker than we had ever imagined and we couldn’t imagine anything else. Still, we couldn’t ignore the original calling to go to seminary. So in fall of 2009 we obeyed God’s calling and started back to seminary. Slower and more deliberate, as my husband made the drive to Atlanta for classes. We figured we would finish in 2 years. And then we would live happily ever after in our new home. After all, how could we ever ask for anything more? In 2009, we had no grasp that we could ever desire anything other than what God had blessed us with. It truly was a decision out of obedience not out of aspiration for more or different.

Again, God’s plans were not our plans. What was supposed to be 2 years turned into 4 years, and what was supposed to be easy was not. There were some dark times personally over that span of 4 years, times that I now see as part of our education for ministry: ministry is something that isn’t just taught or learned from a book. There were questions and problems and answers and solutions. And somewhere over that time, God began whispering to our hearts that this was not where he was ultimately leading. He gave my husband a sense of calling to preaching God’s word and to pastoring. So while our hearts and love for our church family did not change, we did begin to have a sense that God was preparing us for something else.

In May 2013, we finished seminary! We were overjoyed and thrilled and excited and relieved…and curious. What now? So we began as best as we could to make plans on how to proceed. And for the next year God over and over redirected our plans. At one point, we agreed that we felt like we were in this difficult molding process and at some point we would understand why, but until then we just had to keep moving forward in faith even when we couldn’t see the big picture.

In January, we received some interest from one church, among interactions with some others. We turned down this opportunity at first, because we weren’t sure how it fit into OUR plans. But God used them to pursue us. And in March we drove for a visit. I wish I could say my heart had been in the right place and I was just peacefully following wherever God led. But I’d be lying. I think my exact words where “I’m mad at God.” I was weary of the roller coaster of the last year. I was weary of the unknown. I didn’t understand why we were driving to this place that we weren’t even sure we wanted to go. Basically, I was kind of pouting and pitching a fit in my heart. We arrived in the city and God spoke. It wasn’t audible, but it was real. “See, child. I know what I’m doing. This is where it’s all been leading. Just trust me.” What followed was only confirmation of that. We were welcomed with open arms. We laughed and talked and interviewed with this group of God’s people, and we just felt at home. God’s plans are not our plans. And in the months following our visit, God has continually confirmed in our hearts that this is where he is leading next. We have now officially accepted the call, and are making plans to once again pack up and move, to follow where He has led.

I am a big ball of emotions right now. I feel excitement and anxiety. I feel joy and sadness. I feel fear and confidence. We have moments we excitedly plan and moments we longingly cry. I don’t know exactly how everything is going to work out, I don’t know exactly where this next step will lead. But I know that God’s plans are not our plans, and in that I can rest and rejoice.

You see, Jeremiah 29:11 is not a stand-alone verse. It is not simply a feel good verse about God’s plans to prosper us. You have to read and reflect on verse 12, 13, and following. God doesn’t just know the plans he has for you. He is going to walk it with you. He says seek after me, and you will find me. The plans that he has for us are found as we seek him, for as we seek him we begin to desire him. We begin to see the goodness of who he is, and we begin to grasp that when we are his, our future and our hope are in Him. And while that may not be as clear a ‘plan’ as we might like, it is a plan that will never fail because He never fails. That is what I cling to now. As I don’t know where I will live, and I don’t know how my kids will ever be loved like they are here; as I prepare to bid farewell to my family and comfort zone and head to the unknown, I cling to the truth that He knows the plans He has for me – for us – that He will hear when I pray, and that He will be found when I seek Him.